Parenting Tips

Parenting your Teen by Building Trust

In my experience, one of the greatest disparities that exist between parents and their teens is a lack of trust. Building a stronger relationship with your teen, means that it all starts with the parent(s) setting the example of how trust should be built. Trust is the "glue" that strengthens every sound relationship. In essence, we all have some form of trust that we project to people.

In order to really understand what trust is, one must make a concerted effort to internally define how he/she wants to be viewed by their teenager(s). Sometimes, by habit, we may "say" or "do" things without really understanding the relative impact those actions are having in our respective efforts in building strong relationships. These habits may be counterproductive to our cause, thus, we should all take a deeper look into "how" we build trust. Here are five simple suggestions that I have for parents in building a stronger relationship with your teenage son(s) or daughter(s).

1. Make sure that when you say something to your teen, you honor it. This will lend credibility to your voice.

2. No matter how small your promise may seem, always follow through with it. Again, this will demonstrate with detail the importance of what you speak to your teen.

3. Never jump to conclusions in discussing matters of "what happened" with your teen until you understand the whole story. As parents, we sometimes "jump the gun" so to speak, with any incident with which our children are involved. Stay calm, get multiple view points from other sources to confirm what happened, and then discuss what the outcome will be with your child. By doing this, your teenager will be more likely to believe that you are acting out of love instead of anger.

4. When you say that you’re going to do something with your teen, DO IT! How many times growing up did you experience the symptoms of "empty promises”? Just because your parents did it, does not make it all right. Do everything in your power to keep your promise and if you have to break it, reschedule and follow through.

5. Never show double standards to your teen. It does no good to tell your child, "don't use profanity around me”, when you quite often use foul language around him/her. This will destroy credibility with your teen faster than anything else. Being consistent is the one thing that your teen needs more than anything.

Remember, that your teen needs someone strong, consistent, and trustworthy that they can depend on. If they cannot get that support in the home, they will usually settle for another relationship outside of the home which could be very destructive and dangerous.